Thursday, 7 January 2010
Yes, it's ranting... Yes, I will probably break the Forum's computers in the process and obliterate their swear filter... No, I don't give a flying fuck.
Right, let me get a few things clear before I get right into this. I have personally had three miscarriages. One when I was 15 that I hate to say, I self-induced. Yeah, call me a murderer and whatever the hell you want, but I felt like I had no choice. Few of you realise the extent of the abuse I was going through at home. So yeah, I caused myself to miscarry. When I was 18, I fell pregnant with twins by Steve. I was actually really happy, even though it was far from an idea situation with where I was living at the time (with his family) and as much as you may think I'm a cow for saying it, with what he turned out to be (an abisive fuckhead who will be best burning slowly in non-existent hell for all eternity), I guess the miscarriage I had then was for the best. No, I didn't induce it. I was actually deeply attached to our kids. Moreso after I'd had a sonogram. Fact is, I mourned the loss and had to get over it. Now I realise that it wasn't the best time etcetc. That brings me to the most recent: August 2008. Again, Steve's child and this time I was 5 months in when I had an accident and fell down the stairs. Yes, I really fell down the stairs. I wasn't even dating him when it happened. I wonder if his current bitch is aware of this?
Anyways, I'm not exactly enamoured with kids. I have little tolerance for the children of my friends and even less for random kids on the street. They puke, they shit, they smell, they're loud. In general, they're pretty fucking annoying as 99% of parents these days can't seem to educate or train them properly.
But, as a female, I am under a certain amount of pressure from my peers to reproduce. Why? Ok, part of me does like the idea of having a small minion that I can train to take over the world and I'd be damned if any kid of mine would be as rude as some of the little shits I see around the city. BUT the principle is that we shouldn't be pressured into having kids, just because some retards see themselves as breeding machines. Not everyone WANTS to have kids. Why does the media and populace in general have to put such emphasis on it? Why is it one of those things that's now demanded of a woman?
And what's with congratulating people on having a kid? Well done it didn't die? Well done you've done what people have been doing for 2 billion years? Well done you've added another mouth to feed to a planet with already overstretched resources? What the fuck am I meant to be congratulating you for? Seriously?! In this modern age the mortality rate of women giving birth is much lower mortality rates than back in the 18th Century. I could understand you congratulating a new mother back then, but these days having a kid really isn't that much of an achievement. Especially considering how most of them are turning out. Would you have congratulated Hitler's mother? I think not. You've really achieved nothing more than a biological process. Whoopdefuckingdoo. Shall I congratulate you on sneezing? Taking a shit? Blinking? It's not like it's something you'll only ever do once.
If you want a kid SO badly, why not adopt or foster? Why are adoptive and foster families so over looked? In my eyes they do more for kids than people who drop their own sprogs without a second's thought. Having kids is not an essential part of life, certainly not when you're in your fucking twenties and younger! It actually sickens me to see so many people on my Facebook with kids already (some with multiple). Why not do something USEFUL with your life? Or you know, have that FUN thing? I actually want to do some research into the instances of extra marital affairs, alcoholism and mental health issues in people who had kids too early.
For those of you who don't know, I'm 24. No, I haven't been to university yet. I've plans to return to education as and when I am able to do so, but by gods, I can say that I have had FUN in those years since I left school. I've experienced many things in life. Not all were good, not all were bad. I don't for a minute regret a single one. Sure, this is my lifestyle choice and popping out bratlings is other people's. I'm not entirely against the idea, but as I said, in my eyes it takes a lot of consideration and thought before "filling the bloody world up with bloody people they can't afford to bloody feed".
What does the main thing about all these people having kids say to me?
LERN2CONTRACEPTION, YOU STD-INFECTED FUCKWITS!
Monday, 4 January 2010
I feel I should write something opinionated today. Just because I feel in a bitching mood. Again, for no apparent reason.
First on my list:
People who still wish me Merry Christmas despite me being an atheist.
Yes, I realise that Christmas is now a mostly secular holiday. There's still nothing at all that I find "merry" about it other than how I get after enough glasses of mulled wine. With Christmas now seeming to start around my birthday (which I'll point out is at the end of August), I'm less and less fond of being reminded how quickly time is passing me by. Maybe because I feel that the passage of time is a sore point for me with how little I've actually achieved since I left 6th Form. But enough of my own insecurities about what I've done, the fact reminds that the "festive" period is mostly an excuse for people to get further in debt with being nice to others as an excuse. But how much of Christmas is REALLY that important to people? I know very few people who celebrate the religious aspect and MANY who bitch about the family time.
Fact is, I never pretend to be pro-Christmas. In years past I've bought people presents out of politeness or because it's the "done" thing. Ditto with Christmas cards. This year, I simply didn't bother. Not out of being a Scrooge, not because I couldn't afford to. Simply because of the principle. And you know what? It felt great. Ignoring Christmas (as best as I could) was arguably the most pleasing thing I did all year. It made a change from past Christmases where I'd worked in retail and had been forced to be happy from mid November onwards while having various themes for slaughter (a.k.a. Christmas music) piped into my ears for 8 hours a day. Christmas in retail is something that is guaranteed to make you want to punch every single last shopper in the face. Especially the ones who turn up last thing on Christmas Eve, by which time you're sick to death of the holiday and just want to go home, bundle up in a chair with some really relaxing clothes on, stick some classical music on and train your shotgun on the front door to blast the unsuspecting carol singers away. To this day the 1 hour long CD that was on constant repeat in Debenhams still haunts me...
But as I said, this year, I didn't bother with any of it. I said Merry Christmas to those who said it to me and that was merely out of politeness. Barrelling into an hour long rant at every person about why exactly you don't celebrate Christmas wastes a lot of energy better spent sticking your fingers up and walking off. Unfortunately as most of the people who said it to me were people I didn't want to offend, I simply returned the greeting while seething inside.
Mind you, I get like this about most public holidays. Easter possibly being the exception as not only does it involve chocolate, but I get to mock Christians moreso than at any other time of year. Been a while since I've done that actually... Organised holidays just make me wonder why people can't just give presents at any time of year. I know I much prefer a random gift 'just because' than something bought because someone felt obliged to. It feels a lot more thoughful and genuine than thinking that someone's just jumped on a bandwagon.
Plus side of this Christmas? I actually had fun. Yes, even in my situation, this has possibly been the best Christmas I've had. No, I didn't recieve craploads of gifts. I simply had fun times with people and amazing conversations. None of it actually involving Christmas. By all intents it should have been miserable and depressing, but no, I had more fun shunning the holiday.
Ok, next on my list...
That awful Evian advert
People like it? Really? HOW can you not find it hideously disturbing? Christ, it's right up there with Baby Dawn in Trainspotting FFS! I was creeped out enough by a baby crawling on the ceiling in that film without them apparently being able to jump on rollerskates. It's actually put me more off the idea of having kids than anything else. And I'm never buying a ------- bottle of Evian again ¬_¬ Not that I generally buy bottled water anyway but it's the principle of it.
Before I creep myself out any further by thinking about it more, next thing:
People who call New Years Eve "NYE" or "N.Y.E."
Seriously... why? Are we sinking that far with abbreviations that we now do it to public holidays? "Xmas" is bad enough but come on, even Matt Groening made that amusing. Even worse is when people actually SAY the abbreviation how it's spelt... Why do you feel the need to do this? It's two syllables for "New Years", "N.Y.E." is three. What's taking the most effort to say?
While I'm at it:
People who go crazy about the New Year
We fool ourselves into thinking it's a new beginning. In most ways, it's REALLY not. Problems that were around at the end of 2009 didn't magically vanish at the stroke of midnight. We don't live in Cinderella-land, I'm afraid to say. For myself, I had some experiences this New Years that did actually change some things in my head. But again, people use New Years as an excuse to make new beginnings. Surely that's something that we should be able to do any day and not have to waste the rest of a year in order to actually change our lives? Nine times out of ten what people want to do is something that they could do regardless of the assumed significance in the change of a certain calendar page. Why do so many people wait until a point in their lives when they're either forced to make a change or feel an imagined significance? Stop it.
For me, living my life is by far the ideal way. Yes, I've got some aspects that I'm not entirely enamoured over, but in general I'm happy. Not because of my pills (although they are pretty damn sexy), but because I know that I'm able to make my own decisions as and when I want. That the things that I do will be what I want to do (for the most part) and that I am my own person to answer to. Sure, getting stoned, drinking and being a nympho doesn't sound appealing to most people, but I'm quite content thus far with my existence. Yes, I'm indeed hoping to be able to improve certain aspects during the course of this year, but that was something I was already doing at the end of last year. I'm certainly not making a bigger deal of it.
I personally view the whole New Years thing as a review of what's happened. How much I've achieved. Where I've been. Who I've done. Sure, it gives me a few ideas for what I'd like to do in the next year, but by no means do I need a firework display in order to make my mind up.